ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
