you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
