The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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