he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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