he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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