Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
