do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
