I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
