when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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