He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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