i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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