i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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