Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
