I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
