When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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