I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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