Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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