you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
