I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize