idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
