Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
