dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
