why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
