So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
