Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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