Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
