Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
