Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
