Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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