All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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