is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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