Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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