I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's like heaven, but drunker
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My vagina is officially offended.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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