your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
