I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
