Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
