Joe is yelling at the trees again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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