brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was born a porn star she said
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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