I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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