My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
