Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
