i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
