Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
