I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i drank out of a bidet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
