Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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