It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
