If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
