Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
