i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
