so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
