I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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