I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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