When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
