I am puke
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
