Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
