Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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