they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
