Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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