Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
