I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
