So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
