According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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