You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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