Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
