I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
