he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
