Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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