Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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