Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
